Outlander recap: New season, new wigs, old love

Friends, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, and season five of our beloved Outlander is finally here.

Droughtlander is done for another year, and while we might be shrivelled husks of our former selves, the first episode of our favourite time-travelling drama quenched our thirst with a ginger tsunami of feelings. We are restored. We are reborn. We are human sponges, ready to soak up every globule of Fraser emotional juice that runs our way during the next three months.

Thankfully this episode had juices aplenty, especially during the extended sexy-time montage. North Carolina has been colonised by a bunch of hornbags, and nothing gets them fruitier than a wedding in front of macrame backdrop. Jamie and Claire were at it, Bree and Roger were at it, Jocasta and Murtagh got it on in the Idiot Hut II. Even the pigs were probably rutting their porky little hearts out, because nothing makes the Fraser clan happier than being together and celebrating how good their lives are now.

A ponytailed, bewigged wedding.

I mean, just look at that fine macrame curtain. If this work of art doesn’t give you good vibes, please go straight through the stones. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, there is nothing for you in this time or the next.

But do not pass by Jamie’s new wig, to which we must pledge our loyalty by the light of a giant bonfire. If I were a chef, I would raise my fingers to my lips and make a “mwah” sound about this hairpiece. If I were a time-travelling historian who once dug my way out of a hut with a spoon, I would strum a tiny guitar and serenade it. Maybe Claire gives doe eyes to Jamie because she loves him like a hot potato, maybe she just rates his new ponytail. Jamie Fraser’s hair is finally perfect, which is a gift worthy of a sex montage of old people doing it in a shed and some unexpected close-ups of Roger’s naked bum.

Never trust a man with a guitar.

Everyone in America was welcome at Bree and Roger’s wedding, especially Governor Tryon, who came to put a rocket up Jamie’s arse about finding that naughty Murtagh. Jamie was all “chillax GT, have a drink and impress me with your finest tongue-twister”, but Tryon was having none of it. He ordered Jamie to track down and kill the insurgent Murtagh, or everything Jamie loved (house, land, hair) would disappear. Such a party pooper.

Speaking of poop, “I slit the sheet the sheet I shit on” is one hell of a tongue twister. If you weren’t playing that drinking game at your wedding, are you even married? Slit the sheet, shit the bed, who cares what they were actually saying, that one’s going straight to the pool/poo room.

Sad wigs, sad men.

But Jamie had more than slit sheets on his mind. His new house wasn’t finished, Stephen Bonnet wasn’t dead, and now he had to tell Murtagh to GTFO of North Carolina. Jamie cried (human sponges, assemble) because Murtagh had looked after him since his mother died when Murtagh kept saying “she’s GONE” just to make sure Jamie knew his mother was really dead. She’s gone and now Murtagh’s gone and slit the sheet. It was not a good day for anyone.

Roger was also having a sheet time, after Jocasta announced she was leaving her entire estate to wee Jemmy. It was a test for Roger, because cunning Jocasta wants to know if she can trust a knickerbocker-loving Protestant who might be raising another man’s son. I missed the finer points of her argument, but I do know that Roger telling Jocasta to “cram it up your hole” was the best part. Cram it up your hole! It was the wedding night sexy-time montage, all over again.

There’s not nearly enough sitting under dainty umbrellas in these modern times.

While Claire sorted out the tonsils of Fraser’s Ridge, Jamie delivered his version of  “cram it up your hole, Tryon”, but with flames and peer pressure. He put on his kilt and gave a rousing speech that made men kneel at his feet and pledge to stand by his side, whatever happens. War is coming, and Jamie needs to gather his allies around him like he’s planning a Tupperware party and he has to confirm numbers so he can get the attendee bonus and a free set of collapsable bowls.

I give you my word, Jamie Fraser. I pledge you my loyalty. I will watch all 12 episodes of this season, and I will recap every important moment, especially the ones featuring exploding hernias, hat-eating pigs and runaway donkeys. I will stand by your hand and I will cram it up your hole, forever and ever, Amen.

The fifth season of Outlander drops weekly on Lightbox every Monday.

Read the rest of Tara Ward’s Outlander recaps here.

‘Outlander’ Review: A Season 5 Wedding Sets Up All Kinds of Family Drama

The Doughtlander may be over, but with its end comes a wave of high viewer expectations thanks to certain literary deviations that have raised major questions for the show’s characters heading into Season 5. So what better way to kick it all off than with some flashbacks and a wedding?

“Outlander’s” Season 5 opener, “The Fiery Cross”, managed to delve further into Jamie (Sam Heughan) and Murtagh’s (Duncan Lacroix) past while also exploring Brianna (Sophie Skelton) and Roger’s (Richard Rankin) evolving relationship, making good on the show’s earlier promise to place the family drama front and center this season.

Following the Red Coats’ order that Jamie assemble an army to track and kill Murtagh, the episode opened with a flashback scene to just after Jamie’s mother had died. There, Murtagh re-pledged his oath to always protect his godson, setting up what would be decades of fatherly friendship and a lifetime of those two looking out for each other. It’s drama that couldn’t be dished out had the show in fact followed Diana Gabaldon’s narrative and killed the character off at the Battle of Culloden, and it gives the fan-favorite Murtagh something else to do as the head of the Regulator Rebellion.

As a result, Murtagh’s continued existence is the major driving force of conflict between the Red Coats and Jamie this season as the latter walks the line between his principles and trying to develop a home at Fraser Ridge. Whether Jamie truly intends to harm Murtagh when the time comes in order to protect the land and home he’s worked so hard to build is part of that drama, but perhaps less exposition from the Red Coats and a certain Gov. Tryon (Tim Downie) would better serve the suspense. There comes a point in the episode where, given the constant presence of the army and reminder that Jamie needs to fulfill a promise, you have to wonder why they don’t just hunt down the man themselves. He’s been pretty off-guard lately, what with romantic trysts in cabins and all, so he hasn’t exactly been out of reach.

Of course that accessibility changes now that Jamie has issued an official warning to his godfather and essentially balked at the idea of his loved ones playing with time travel to change the past any more than they already have. But given Jamie’s turmoil at the end of the episode it’s clear he’s heartbroken over releasing Murtagh from his family oath to deal with their respective futures separately, and it leaves an ominous feeling that when these two do see each other again it won’t be under happy circumstances.

Speaking of futures, the premiere spent a great deal of time pondering the one for Brianna and Roger. Kicking off the season with the wedding not only opened the door for a montage of “Outlander” prerequisite sex scenes, but it solidified the bond between Brianna and Roger, and  made Roger’s acceptance of Jerimiah as his own official. Although, with Bonnet (Ed Speleers) sightings and Jacosta (Maria Doyle Kennedy) running interference, that resolve is bound to be tested in the coming weeks—especially since, at their core, Brianna and Roger are still a very new couple that has barely spent any real time together. Their challenges in the upcoming episodes will be very real.

More importantly, the wedding also allowed Claire (Caitriona Balfe) and Jamie to spend actual time with their daughter and be the family they always wanted. That led to some emotional moments to be sure (Brianna saying “je suis pret” to Jamie was almost too much), but it also opened the door for awkwardly comedic moments between Roger and Jamie (and, in one scene, a razor). One of the more interesting things to explore is how a scholar like Roger will acclimatize and fare in the past, when physical skills garnered more clout than brainpower. How will he provide for Brianna and what use will he be in Jamie’s army when the time comes? It’s the first time we really get to dig into what it’s like for a male of the future to travel back and cope with a slightly more toxic mindset, and it leads to all kinds of interesting story potential.

For now though, with Jamie calling upon his men to pledge their allegiance by that fiery cross and the Red Coats keeping a close watch on things, the episode ends with the sense that battle is approaching and the characters will be physically divided again in the very near future. In other words, cherish those sex montages while they last, because things are about to get real wild.

Grade: B

“Outlander” airs Sundays at 8 p.m. ET on Starz.

Outlander recap: New season, new wigs, old love

Friends, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, and season five of our beloved Outlander is finally here.

Droughtlander is done for another year, and while we might be shrivelled husks of our former selves, the first episode of our favourite time-travelling drama quenched our thirst with a ginger tsunami of feelings. We are restored. We are reborn. We are human sponges, ready to soak up every globule of Fraser emotional juice that runs our way during the next three months.

Thankfully this episode had juices aplenty, especially during the extended sexy-time montage. North Carolina has been colonised by a bunch of hornbags, and nothing gets them fruitier than a wedding in front of macrame backdrop. Jamie and Claire were at it, Bree and Roger were at it, Jocasta and Murtagh got it on in the Idiot Hut II. Even the pigs were probably rutting their porky little hearts out, because nothing makes the Fraser clan happier than being together and celebrating how good their lives are now.

A ponytailed, bewigged wedding.

I mean, just look at that fine macrame curtain. If this work of art doesn’t give you good vibes, please go straight through the stones. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, there is nothing for you in this time or the next.

But do not pass by Jamie’s new wig, to which we must pledge our loyalty by the light of a giant bonfire. If I were a chef, I would raise my fingers to my lips and make a “mwah” sound about this hairpiece. If I were a time-travelling historian who once dug my way out of a hut with a spoon, I would strum a tiny guitar and serenade it. Maybe Claire gives doe eyes to Jamie because she loves him like a hot potato, maybe she just rates his new ponytail. Jamie Fraser’s hair is finally perfect, which is a gift worthy of a sex montage of old people doing it in a shed and some unexpected close-ups of Roger’s naked bum.

Never trust a man with a guitar.

Everyone in America was welcome at Bree and Roger’s wedding, especially Governor Tryon, who came to put a rocket up Jamie’s arse about finding that naughty Murtagh. Jamie was all “chillax GT, have a drink and impress me with your finest tongue-twister”, but Tryon was having none of it. He ordered Jamie to track down and kill the insurgent Murtagh, or everything Jamie loved (house, land, hair) would disappear. Such a party pooper.

Speaking of poop, “I slit the sheet the sheet I shit on” is one hell of a tongue twister. If you weren’t playing that drinking game at your wedding, are you even married? Slit the sheet, shit the bed, who cares what they were actually saying, that one’s going straight to the pool/poo room.

Sad wigs, sad men.

But Jamie had more than slit sheets on his mind. His new house wasn’t finished, Stephen Bonnet wasn’t dead, and now he had to tell Murtagh to GTFO of North Carolina. Jamie cried (human sponges, assemble) because Murtagh had looked after him since his mother died when Murtagh kept saying “she’s GONE” just to make sure Jamie knew his mother was really dead. She’s gone and now Murtagh’s gone and slit the sheet. It was not a good day for anyone.

Roger was also having a sheet time, after Jocasta announced she was leaving her entire estate to wee Jemmy. It was a test for Roger, because cunning Jocasta wants to know if she can trust a knickerbocker-loving Protestant who might be raising another man’s son. I missed the finer points of her argument, but I do know that Roger telling Jocasta to “cram it up your hole” was the best part. Cram it up your hole! It was the wedding night sexy-time montage, all over again.

There’s not nearly enough sitting under dainty umbrellas in these modern times.

While Claire sorted out the tonsils of Fraser’s Ridge, Jamie delivered his version of  “cram it up your hole, Tryon”, but with flames and peer pressure. He put on his kilt and gave a rousing speech that made men kneel at his feet and pledge to stand by his side, whatever happens. War is coming, and Jamie needs to gather his allies around him like he’s planning a Tupperware party and he has to confirm numbers so he can get the attendee bonus and a free set of collapsable bowls.

I give you my word, Jamie Fraser. I pledge you my loyalty. I will watch all 12 episodes of this season, and I will recap every important moment, especially the ones featuring exploding hernias, hat-eating pigs and runaway donkeys. I will stand by your hand and I will cram it up your hole, forever and ever, Amen.

The fifth season of Outlander drops weekly on Lightbox every Monday.

Read the rest of Tara Ward’s Outlander recaps here.