“We were the first ones in our friend group to have kids. And it…

"We were the first ones in our friend group to have kids. And it made me feel old, inadequate, maybe. I didn't feel ready for the responsibility. I began staying out late on the weekends, trying to recapture something I had in my twenties. Before long I was sneaking an odd beer at work. Then another. And another. Until eventually I was hiding empty bottles in the cupboard to avoid getting caught. I was a good dad when I was present. Even though I felt like rubbish, I'd wake up on the weekends and do things with my daughter. But I'd direct us to things that were easy for me. I'd suggest we watch TV instead of playing games that she wanted to play. Then I'd pass out right alongside her at 8 PM. We'd wake up the next morning, and I'd have this horrible booze breath. But she'd always roll over and say: 'Hi Dad, I love you.' I felt like dirt every single time. And I'd think: 'That's it. I'm done.' But soon the hangover would wear off, and I'd find myself grabbing another beer after work. After one particularly bad binge, I stumbled across the story of a news reader who'd gotten sober through a program called Hello Sunday Morning. I signed up to quit for three months, and when it was over I felt so much better. Not since I was a kid had I felt this good. I'd get down on the floor while my daughter played with her dolls. And I'd done that even while I was drinking, but normally I'd be scrolling on my phone, waiting for the game to be over. Now I wanted to play. I was seeing the game from her point of view. Being creative. Spurring her on. I'd read books with her for hours. We read all the Roald Dahl books, and the Hobbit books, and the Harry Potter books. I wasn't too drunk to drive anymore. So we'd go to the beach. Or on a bush walk. My friends would still go out drinking after work. So it wasn't easy to stay sober. But I kept a video on my phone of my daughter dancing. And whenever I started to crack, I'd pull it out. It's been over 2000 days now. I'm fitter and healthier and happier than I've ever been in my life. And it's all because of my daughter. She has a little brother now. He's never known me drunk, not even in the womb. And I'm determined that he never will."

Source: humansofnewyork.com